Dang Gnats!™ in “What Makes Lightning Bugs Glow?”

lightningbug-squareYeah, those lightning bugs AKA fireflies really steal the show most nights. Dang Gnats think it’s out of a need to “strut one’s stuff,” to “work it,” or in their words, “show off.” But as the book Fireflies, Glow-worms, and Lightning Bugs: Identification and Natural History of the Fireflies of the Eastern and Central United States and Canada would tell us, the glow is created by a chemical reaction inside their bodies that allows them to light up. It’s bioluminescence, baby, and all it requires is oxygen. As to why do they glow? It’s a warning lightning bugs send to predators that says, “We don’t taste good. Bad. We taste bad.” Must be true. Who would want to eat a light bulb? – Walt Jaschek

P.S. In related news, we also like the Firefly: The Complete Series. 😉

Dang Gnats!™ in “Active Volcano in Eyjafjallajökull”

Come on, it’s a big, wide world, Gnats! You think it’s odd there’s a place called Eyjafjallajökull, but of course it’s an English Mountain Glacier , a small ice cap in Iceland. (Read “Lonely Planet Iceland Travel Guide.”) It’s north of Skogar and west of the Myrdalsjokull Glacier, all we all know. Yes, it’s an active volcano and has erupted frequently. Gnats should not be so ethnocentric and perplexed by a name in a foreign language. Not every place can be called “Gnatland.” – Walt Jaschek 

P.S. We want this poster of Eyjafjallajökull:

Dang Gnats!™ in “What Keeps Mosquitoes Away?”

Bugs can ruin a picnic, all right. Hey. Wait a minute. What’s with the inter-insect prejudice? Can’t we all get along? Well, okay, the gnats don’t like mosquitoes. Who does? I will tell you this. I, gnat whisperer, Walt Jaschek, am the frequent target of mosquitoes. They looooove me. To bite me, that is. But I have found sure cures. These!

Right. Essential oils. A little dab of peppermint, or rosemary, or any of them, really, and the mosquitoes stay far away. Big bonus: you don’t smell like bug spray. You smell like an essential oil. You can go back inside proudly smelling yourself.

This has been a public service of Dang Gnats, Walt Jaschek, and  ArtNaturals Aromatherapy Top 8 Essential Oils, 100% Pure of The Highest Quality, Peppermint/Tee Tree/Rosemary/Orange/Lemongrass/Lavender/Eucalyptus/Frankincense, Therapeutic Grade. You’re welcome.

Dang Gnats!™ in “Dang Foods is a Dang Good Brand Name”


Many people like Dang Foods, of course, but the gnats have been “dang” since the start of the internet, and more importantly, what were gnats doing in a grocery store?

By Walt Jaschek

(Like Dang Gnats? Buy creator Walt Jaschek a coffee!)